i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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