I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
