Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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