she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
