I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hell yes lets make some ravioli
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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