so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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