can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
