I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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