Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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