And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
