One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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