He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
