Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
