I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
