I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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