I can text with my tongue
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just tell him i said nine months
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
