I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
