Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I checked into jail on foursquare
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
