just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
