I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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