i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My vagina is officially offended.
Randomize
