Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
