are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
