smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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