I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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