Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize