if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
