i was born a porn star she said
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
