Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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