i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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