yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I could fuck to npr.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
