...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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