Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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