I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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