Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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