I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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