she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
