sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
