shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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