I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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