He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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