I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
