That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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