I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize