so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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