the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
