I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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