Can Purell be used as lube?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
