i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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