I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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