"it" just moved
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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