We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
