Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize