I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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