Your face is a jimmy john
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize