i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
