I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
