You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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