I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you bring me the toilet please
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
