Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
