My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just want to make out with him forever
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
