Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
