No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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