fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
